YOWIEHUB

Recently a story published on this website gave an overview of the writing behaviour of the Yowie (Latin: Yowithis Yowithat) by volunteer contributor and academic known as FernyDog. While this seminal work adequately gives example of the writing process of Yowies, I have been asked to provide a brief overview on how this behaviour is more widespread than just writing.

Before endeavouring further into the behaviour, I want to give my most sincere gratitude to FernyDog for producing such a body of work and pay homage to his absolute authority on the subject of Yowie literature.

From the outset it is important to recognise that Yowie society, in a broad sense, is a bottom-up approach. Their decision making, leadership, societal hierarchy and board are infants. Infants are of course, physically closer to the bottom (the ground, in this sense) and numerically lower in age. Although Yowies do not use the Gregorian calendar like we do, it is a generally accepted concept that infants are younger than adults.

Prior to delving too deeply into providing some examples, I want to introduce the reader to some theory that will come in use throughout this piece. Below is a diagram sourced from the late 1920s, it was produced by acclaimed Yowie scholar, the late Prussian Professor H.O.G Bhigg. The source has been digitalised by the Yowie Education Science Laboratory and Department (Y.E.S L.A.D). Before viewing this diagram, be advised that it was designed in Yowo-Bonobo philosophy and therefore should be read from the bottom up.

It is crucial to point out that, while Professor Bhigg had some archaic and deeply troubling views about the introduction of the pasteurisation of milk, it does not diminish or devalue his groundbreaking work on Yowie societal structure.

From the above diagram it is clear that there is an established and well understood process of ‘unlearning’ (or as Prof. Bhigg stated ‘endumbening’). Unlike traditional hominid ways of maturing and kinship (generally though ageing), Yowies in fact lose social status as they progress. Although not a biologist, (blacklisted by the Biology Guild) Professor Bhigg also made some notable contributions to the field through his correlation between back pain and age amongst Elder Yowies.

Professor Bhigg also was the first academic since antiquity to document the nature of Sovereign Rights in Yowie societies, and their deep distrust of Elders, who are corporate identities.

There are however, limitations to Professor Bhiggs’ work, such as his dearth of research on the gendered roles that Yowies may have in leadership. Unfortunately, due to a politically motivated existing court case, Professor Bhigg was not allowed near female Yowies.

In terms of case study, or theory in action, there are many examples to provide. Perhaps the most concrete example is the YowieBank AGM Board Spill incident of 1942. While Professor Bhigg was absent due to political affiliations during the 1940s, his protégé and estranged lover Albert Lovewins conducted a series of research trips to Dorrigo National Park, New South Wales.

In Dorrigo Mr Lovewins witnessed the Annual General Meeting (AGM) of YowieBank, which held the largest banana reserves in the world until the 2013 Queensland Cyclone Season. At the time scholars were baffled that the board of the bank was entirely comprised of infant Yowies, and believed it was a one off occurrence. Professor Bhiggs, off the back of Lovewins discovery in 1938, even erroneously concluded that infants were on the board because they were Bolsheviks, but this conclusion was later disregarded and condemned by wider yowie academia after his controversial actions betweeen 1942-1945.

Shortly after the AGM began, an Elderly Yowie, Panbanisha, exercised her right to call for a spilling of the board, and an election of new board members and a chair. Mr Lovewins, as did other visiting researchers, assumed this was to correct the anomaly, and put the adults back in charge. They thought the Yowies at the time were sick of the top end of town and wanted jobs and growth.

To their complete surprise the new board was elected unopposed and revealed to be all infants. The chair was elected with a full nappy. Not a single Yowie above the age of two put their hand up. To the Yowie academic field this was the first time the bottom-up theory was reinforced and evidenced.

While word limits prevent this piece from providing more examples, there are hundreds since 1942 that support this (see: Yowie Archbishop Crisis [1983]). However, a word of caution, avoid works from Professor Bhiggs from 1942 – 1996 as his views on water desalination had depply biased his conclusions.

In summary, through the existing theoretical framework provided, and the example overviewed, there is no doubt that Yowies live in a bottom-up society. While FernyDog has evidenced this in a literary sense, I hope the reader could follow and understand how this rings true in an anthropological way too. While this essay does not evaluate the benefits or cons of each style of society, it rather worked to prove the diversity within primate societies. Ultimately there is no quantifiable way to determine the ‘model society’, like Professor Bhiggs problematically attempted. Rather there is only ways of understanding, knowing and respecting all primates from all walks of life.

Bibliography:

Bhigg, H.O.G. (1936) ‘Yowies and their Hogs’, The Australasian Journal of Packing Heat, 14(2), pp. 41–52.

Bhigg, H.O.G. (1942) ‘YOWIE! The Red Rise of Cryptids’, The American Journal of Propaganda, 69(420).

Bhigg, H.O.G. (1949) STOP PASTUERISING MY MILK I’M GETTING CANCER (15 vols). 1st edn. Byron Bay, NSW: Brainrot Publishing (1).

Kaptayne-Ovioos, C. (1996) ‘Bhiggs is Extremely Problematic and it’s Taken Forty Years for Cryptid Fans to Cancel Him’, The Rationale Yowie. 142nd edn, 6 September, pp. 4–5.

Copthat, L. (1983) The Yowie Archbishop Crisis: Popes in Peril. Vatican City, Vatican: Is the Pope Catholic Publishing.

Editor, S. (2009) ‘Analysing the Impact of Bottom-Up Approaches to Go-Kart Racing’, Yowie Education Science Laboratory and Department, 81(1).

Hay T. Fascists, I. (no date) ‘Untold: Bhigg’s Ulterior Plans for Global Domination’, The Red Times [Preprint].

Lovewins, A. (1945) Down and Out in Dorrigo: The Young Board. San Francisco, California: Top & Bottom Publishing.

Soakedlad, M. (2013) ‘IT’S FUCKIN’ PISSIN’ DOWN IN QUEENSLAND MATE, THE BANANAS ARE ALL GONE FUUUUUCK’, The Cairns Daily. 1st edn, 2 February, pp. 1–2.