YOWIEHUB

A collaborative epic by Squid, mg, ggj, and the Yowies of Bluegum Forest

Intro

With pockets full of jerky
Knees not yet feeling hurty
We set out from the heath
Into the bluegum forest beneath

For waratahs and yellow buds
Our human hearts did yearn
While the yowie foot did echo 
In the palms and fronds and ferns

A ruben in the belly
Before legs turn to jelly
River dip in the afternoon
Now we’re not so smelly

The thighs are gonna ache boi
And jiggle went the legs
The gurgle of the river ahoy
We shiver in the dregs

An X and O from to and fro
Inscribed in stone, an ancient tome
The losers banished, the humans famished

We pass through countless yowie signs
From chilly bins to pantries
Yowie staves bound safe in hoya
Ignite our yowie fancy

The yowies share their signs
That we may write these sacred lines
Hopefully they don’t persecute us
For sharing all their truthes

Food

First beware the currawong,
It’s the yowie they will heed
They will get into your backpack
And take a yummy feed

I hope that you’re not hungry 
That your tummy isn’t rumbly
For those birds and yowies are in kahoots
Check your pack, you’ll find no oots

The humans tell the yowies 
That they have a funny odour
The yowies tell the humans well
I think you’ll find that’s y’odour
I thought that that was bigfoot
No, no, you find them in North Dakota

The yowie’s friend bigfoot
Rides on a toboggan
But yowie gets all of lifes thrills
From noshing down on scroggin

Us yowies live a simple life
Free from lust and sin
We’re happy if in our pantries
We have a mandarin
And in our summer months
We’ve stocked our chilly bin

What do yowies have for pudding
And does it help maintain their footing

They’d appreciate a sleeping bag
For yowies get cold toes
And through the night, from left to right,
They toss from to and fro

A sleeping mat wouldn’t go astray
For a yowie who walks all day
They get jiggle legs too
Just as us humans do

Yet humans still walk down the hill
While Yowies roly poly
Once a human tried to copy
And ascended somewhere holy

Citrus and relationships

But what about us the yowies say
You haven’t forgotten our order
We need to stay hydrated too
We’d love some sparkly water

Forgive us yowie for our crimes
We had forgotten that you so love limes
Grapefruit and pomelo
Citrus of the colour yellow

It’s said that on every hike
You should take a lime or two
It wasn’t till last summer
I knew it to be true

I crossed a teenage yowie
Back when I was quite the snob
He asked for limes and when I said I had none
He said I’d done a bad job

Next spring I came prepared,
With both a lemon and a lime
But the next yowie I crossed said be a good fellow
Bring me a pomelo

Do not mistake this kind request
With anything like greed
Yowies are great blokes
With great mouths to feed

When having a discussion
With a yowie dad or cousin
You may at first find him obtuse
Until he eats a pomplemousse

A tale goes a yowie man
Was once outed by his mistress
Because he didn’t supply her
With enough citrus

Aghast the yowie rookie
Who only brought a cookie
For his yowie dowry
But his mistress liked citrus
And the cookie made her sooky

Further food habits

It’s a common misconception
That yowies only like mandarins
But if humans bothered to ask
They’d find all fruits are their friends

From apples, plums to oranges
From pineapples to pears
We hereby write these rhyming words
That the world become aware

They use their chilly bins for pickles
When a lot begets a little
We sit with dehydrated meals
While yowies fish for foot-long eels

When drying out their meats and peels
You may find a yowie fanning
But when they get hold of some glass
They’re masters of their canning

A log is nature’s mason
The creek, nature’s basin
During fruiting season
A yowie is never complacent

You can always tell where a yowie’s been
Because they’ve left behind
A naughty little rind
Of lemon, pomelo or lime

If you see a bluegum tall
It’s because it is a yowie door
And if you see a bluegum wide,
Yowies may use it to hide

Living down beneath the roots
Where they keep their yowie boots
Lest in winter they resort to crocs
Which make their feet feel like ice blocks

Yowies are like doomsday preppers
For they have seen doom many times
And so they’ve learnt to make some jams
With mandarins and limes

Yowies retreat to the highest forests
Until tough times blow over
With all this time in isolation
They’ve learned to make pavlova

There’s only three things in this goshdarn world
That’ll make a yowie bellow
You must know what I’m going to say
Lemon, lime and pomelo

From pickled ferns to spiky vines
A yowie’s taste runs wild
But you wouldn’t catch them with a habanero
Or anything so mild

Stars and voyaging

In yowie country it gets dark fast
For the sky down here is vast
And in the stars at night there’s yowie future, present and past

Orion’s belt, the bright saucepan
These are but fickle plans
When yowies look into the sky
They see nor beast nor man
A yowie cares not for the southern cross
And constellations of that clime
The yowie has their own constellations
Of lemon, pomelo and lime

The yowie sees the future there
The past and present too
And if a yowie faltered
They’ll know now what to do

The stars they speak to every yowie
Down in this wondrous forest
Replenish their hearts and fill their minds
And make their twin souls nourished

If you look into the stars
You may see that red one mars
It’s actually a yowie astronaut
Who’s just travelled really far
That astronaut had ginger fur
More red shifted by the blur
Of travelling at such speed
As yowie law decreed
The only way to break the curse
Was to travel the dark vast universe

As the yowie zooms past the space station
They create new constellations
There’s no need for consternation
They’re a credit to the nation
With a shining utility belt
And a shining astro helmet
The yowie travels fast and smooth lest they get melted

A yowie needs no space suit
Because they eat so much fruit
An apple a day keeps the black hole away
Well anyway that’s what yowies say

Through galaxies and far beyond
The astronaut will snaffle
Through every multiverse
To find the space pineapple

Through the solar system rummage
Till they find the minty gummage
And blow a giant bubble
Until it hits the hubble

They go searching on sunbeams
Till they find the great black bean
They are not on the run, they are not a felon
They’re just up in space
Searching for the melon

That photo of a black hole
Turned out to be a yowie snack bowl
When they land, they’ll pull on their space boots
And go marching for the grapefruit

While other yowies down on earth
Shiver through this citrus dearth
For they could travel round this big world’s girth
And never quench their citrus thirst

So if you see a yowie
Do a curtsy or a bowie
And offer what you’ve got
From your freshest lemon pot

Yowie misconceptions

There are many things a yowie considers
To be a very good soup
From hot and sour, to choccy milk
And minestrone too
Ovaltine and chowder
And porridge mixed like gloop

They say a bowl of yowie soup
Can keep you going for a day
Try it go on have a scoop
It tastes just like ceviche
A yowie slurp to cool the brew
Drink it all and feel renewed

So when you think you hear a river
Gurgling round a rock
Do not be fooled, it’s just a yowie
Slurping their hot choc

If you see a flying UFO
And think you’ve had too much whiskey
Don’t be alarmed, you’re not seeing things
It was just a yowie frisbee

And if you hear a blue mountains train
Rumbling nearby
Don’t be fooled, it’s just a yowie
Yodelling from up on high

If you see a possum at camp
It’s actually a yowie pet
Scouting out all the yummy foods
That it could et

And when you slip on a slippy bit
It’s just a yowie’s pomelo pit

If you hear a rumbling car
Driving the mountains through
Don’t be alarmed it’s just a yowie
Doing a yowie poo

Yowies they’re empathic and they hate the noise of traffic
Voilent films they find too graphic
Yowie women are oh so sapphic
So if you ever get sad, depressed or feeling blue
Just know that there’s a yowie not too far who’s sad with you

Conclusion and final thoughts

The moon is up, and so it must be time to go to bed
Remember what we’ve said today
Keep it in your head

The kookaburra laughs
While yowies they do hollo
Listen close my precious child
A good night’s sleep will follow

We thank thine yowie graciously
For letting us here mellow
And in return we offer thee
Our best green limey jello

So when you pass the bluegum forests
With a few extra snacks
Leave them in the yowie pantry
And you may be invited back